Emi's Journal

I am now 19. On to my final year of teenage… Ness. Or whatever. It's midnight. I'm tired. I need to sleep.
 

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. It wasn't terribly eventful, but it was good.

I enjoyed having Indie at school with me, and as always, must say I LOVE our department…… It's not everywhere you can walk around with a snake wrapped around your hand, and no one seems to have an issue with it.

I enjoyed feeding Indie. Watching a snake ingest a mouse that looks way too big, but really isn't, is never going to get old.

I enjoyed going to Reptile Kingdom in Eugene with my friends, and spending some time watching the incredibly awesome frilled dragons that I have neither the space or budget for… But that wont stop me from wishing I could have one.

And I enjoyed dinner at McGrath's, despite the lack of trout, and enduring the fish hat…. I still think it would have been way more awesome if it looked like a real fish, not some silly cartoony spotted thing. But it was orange and black, even though we're in Eugene, so it gets points for that.
 

Thanks again to everyone who wished me well on my birthday. I am thankful for every single one of you being in my life.

Now to enter another year of my life…. And to see how long it takes me to remember I'm 19 now.

Here we go!
 

-Emi

I got my snake today!

I adopted a young corn snake that a friend's friend was seeking to get rid of. So, for my birthday, we went and got it.

I named him Indie, a play on indian corn. I was also told Indiana Jones is afraid of snakes, so it seemed like a good ironic name.

Indie is already getting into trouble. On the way home he tried to escape and disappear in Teresa's car. He tried to hide under the seat, but we pulled him out….. Bugger.

Tomorrow I'm going to feed him and let him settle in over the weekend. I'm pretty excited to have him. He's absolutely beautiful.

And that's two for the term, not round one. One more in round one, and one in mid February (round two). And then two finals. I think….
 

I have no idea how to feel about this biochem midterm. I didn't feel like it slaughtered me, but it's so hard to tell with biochem. I definitely made some stuff up, but that's how biochem always goes. So we shall see.

I am now waiting to meet with my 488 group to get our assignment that is due tomorrow done. Then have to get through classes tomorrow, and then I'm calling it a week. I'm going to have trouble next term adjusting back to 5 day weeks…. Heh.
 

Also Friday is the day I hopefully get my answer. I've been saying enough about that already, really. But still. Also hopefully it'll be the last time i go see the neurologist I don't like…. Hopefully.

I've watched all the lectures for this biochem midterm that's coming up… And it's still Monday! Shocking. That means I can go over notes tonight, and maybe even watch the review session tomorrow! That would be ambitious, wouldn't it?
 

In other news, I'm playing with a new wordpress editor. I'm not usually a WYSIWYG user, but this is looking pretty good. Although I apparently can't use Safari's spellcheck, and that could end up being a deciding factor…. I NEED my spellcheck!

… Never mind. I can't use Safari's spellcheck, but I CAN use the built in spellcheck. Life is good again.

The thing that I like with this is that I can use double-breaks again. See? I even put a double-break above… Just because I can!  TinyMCE (the default editor) ate my breaks on a regular basis.
The catch is that I must go into my old posts and re-format them. Granted I've been doing this anyway for all my imported posts. To add post avatars, and to edit custom fields. As well as working with imported images and other coding stuff. So it would actually only entail redoing what I already did. Which I could probably live with, if I decide I like this editor.
 

On the topic of playing with my blog formating, I'm so close to getting the sidebar working right that I can almost taste it. Now I just want to get it centered in the space between the edge of the blog and the posts. Which makes it explode every time I try. But it's close! And I can live with it as it is for now.

Next week isn’t gonna suck after all!

I’ve been so convinced that next week was going to suck. But it isn’t. At least I don’t think it is…. I could be wrong. But I’m not completely dreading it, like I have been.

I still have a biochem midterm on Wednesday, but am making good progress in studying for it… Have 1.5 more posted lectures to watch, and then there will only be one more after that on the test. Highlights printed out to review.
I still have a group project for 488 due, but it’s due on Friday now. And my group is doing pretty good, so that’s OK.
I DO NOT have a group project due for 435 due. It was extended to February 16! My group is still heading out to the farm this weekend, but that’ll just get us ahead of the game. We can get a lot of what we need, and will have three weeks to do our outline.
And I still meet with the neurologist on Friday, so that’s where things get fuzzy…. That could potentially make my week suck. But you know, I’m after answers at this point. So whatever gets thrown at me, I’m going to deal with it. Because I’m Emi, and that’s what I do.

I am enjoying my first weekend all term without the Eugene drive. I’ll head to the farm tomorrow, so there’s still some driving involved, but I wont be down in Eugene for more tests, and that makes for a good weekend. I’ve actually had time to clean my apartment (not pizza time yet, but getting close!), get caught up in biochem, do some other homework, and also be lazy. So I’m feeling pretty good about things. And it’s a gorgeous day, so that helps too.

It's amazing how something so simple as yogurt can make me so happy……
 

I think I know why cell bio and I aren’t getting along right now.

So when you’re undergoing testing for a neuromuscular disease, the last thing you want to sit in class and learn about is… Neuromuscular disease. Even if you think your neurologist is kind of insane, and might be trying to diagnose the strangest thing he can come up with. And even if you know that whatever it is you do have is currently a mild presentation, and since it’s been going on to some degree for 4 years, it’s probably in no hurry to get worse. And that the ones they are talking about in class are the really bad ones, because those are the ones everyone has heard of. Even then, you really don’t want to sit in class and hear about how misfolded proteins cause degenerative neuromuscular diseases. Really, you don’t.

So I have decided that cell bio is simply messing with my head. And I should probably get over it. Maybe the logical part of my brain can overcome the part that is afraid… Afraid of what I don’t know yet.

That’s the hard part. Waiting. In about two weeks I have a follow-up appointment, and I expect I’ll get the test results then. We’ll see if the neurologist that I think is insane is actually right…. Then maybe I can move on with my life. Or maybe I’ll have to get more tests and wait some more. I don’t know which is worse.

When did life get so complicated? When did I become such a medical anomaly? Why can’t my “textbook case of carpal tunnel syndrome” just be carpal tunnel syndrome? Why does it have to be something else… Maybe a neuromuscular degenerative disease, maybe not. When did my body start getting older than I am? Everyone says I’m too young to be having problems like this, but here I am getting an MRI, NCS/EMG, even an EKG….

I’m too young to be getting old… Aren’t I? Argh… Too complicated. All I know for sure is that there are days when I think it would be easier to get rid of hands altogether. And there are days when I wonder if it’s all in my head. But the days when I don’t want my hands anymore make me pretty sure it’s not all in my head.

I think I’m ready for answers. Even if they’re answers that scare me. I can deal. I’m Emi. I overcome. That’s what I do. I’m ready to stat overcoming, but I can’t until I know what there is to overcome. I don’t feel like I’m actively doing anything to make things better. One would argue that getting the tests done is actively doing something, but it sure doesn’t feel like it to me. It’s not making things better… Yet. Maybe it will. I hope it will. I hope I’m not wasting all this time and money for nothing. I hope everything we’re doing is adding one more piece to the puzzle, and everything will come together, we’ll understand, and life can get back to normal. Wishful thinking? Yeah, I think so too.

But wishful thinking has another name…. HOPE. And hope is going to get me through these two weeks of waiting. And maybe more. But let’s just focus on the next two weeks for now…

Well, we’re nearing two weeks into the new year. That’s hard to believe. It feels like more than two weeks ago… Not less.

It’s already been a crazy year… And it’s barely even started. I have driven more in the past week than I have since getting my license. Two trips to Newport in one week, plus a trip to Eugene. This in addition to the trip back to Corvallis after break. And I’ve concluded that driving to campus on my school days (Tuesday and Thursday) is going to be the best this term… With my first class in Peavy it’s not a long trek from 35th, and it’s either that or be 20 minutes late courtesy of CTS.
That is of course unless I start riding the Diggler to school. It has crossed my mind several times. A friend who knows bikes is going to check out the brakes this week and see if he can get them working right. They work… Kinda… Usually. Living on a hill, that’s not good enough for me. :p

I have also had blood drawn for genetic testing, which I think is interesting. I am also getting a brain scan this week… All because of my stupid wrists (which are bothering me more and more lately…). And what I thought for four years was carpal tunnel. Instead I get to be a medical anomaly… What else is new? :p

I got to go to Newport and spend the day with my cousin and grandma, which was great. I then got to go to Newport and work the fish trap, which I have missed a lot. It was good to be back in Newport for a bit. Who knew I’d love being on the coast so much? I never used to think I’d become such a coast person. But now I know, and I want to go back… Can it be last summer again?

It’s amazing how worn out I feel at the end of a Tuesday, yet it’s really not that bad. I mean, 4.5 hours of class really isn’t too much, and 10-3:30 is nothing. But with group projects, and cell bio… Cell bio is interesting, but I am not seeming to retain anything. I’m probably going to cave in and buy the book, which is not going to be cheap, but is quite likely necessary for me to survive the class. I don’t think it’s going to be too hard if I can just focus, but once 2:00 rolls around on Tuesdays and Thursdays, focus is hard for me to come by.

Well, now it’s almost midnight and that means time for bed. Onward to tomorrow!